Think you have what it takes to put the I in CSI? No, we’re not talking about ignoring your team—we mean the Investigate part of Crime Scene Investigation. It’s a tough world out there, and nobody knows it better than the people at the top of one corner the criminal justice world: homicide detectives. And no homicide detective articulates it more crisply than CSI: Miami’s Horatio Caine.

Horatio Caine: You know what they say: You lie down with the Devil, you wake up in Hell.

Hard words from a hard-yet-sophisticated man. But wait. There’s more:

.
.
.
.

Horatio Caine: The problem with manipulation is that people can turn on you.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

For parties interested in criminal justice at its most flamboyantly effective, Detective Horatio Caine has more than a thing or two to demonstrate about investigation. Horatio (David Caruso) offers a weekly spree of lines that cut to the heart of working in homicide.

.

.

Horation Caine: Alright, be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape.”

.

And then, of course, there are the sunglasses. The most important CSI lessong that Horatio Caine imparts to us each week can be summed up thusly: Always punctuate your best philosophical zingers by donning your sunglasses. If you don’t own sunglasses, move to Miami and buy some. Trust us on this. Actually, don’t trust us—trust Detective Horatio: