It’s made the internet rounds pretty comprehensively over the past few days, but the 9-minute video of Tom Cruise promoting Scientology has been taken down in a lot of places — likely due to accusations of copyright infringement. [Hence, rather than embed the video here, the link above will take you to Gawker, where the video and accompanying text has been classified as "newsworthy"]

Earth-shattering Education Encounter has no business speculating or joshing about religion. But it is our business to talk about business: especially as it relates to individuals and their careeers. And something about Cruise’s promo piece is intensely business-like. Part of this businessness is owing to the production–we see a casual yet impeccably composed Cruise, talking about his personal-yet-immaculate experience, while in the background plays the Mission freaking Impossible theme song.

However, a larger part of the business-like aspect can be traced to one thing: acronyms. Cruise gets to use these all the time, throwing them around right and left; and it sounds totally impressive. For instance, often when he talks about his own experience, and the importance of moving forward, he says it’s all about KSW – Keeping Scientology Working. Now, if you’re going to use a 3-word term that has two participles, shortening it to an acronym is a totally necessary way to prevent it from sounding dorky [Preventing From Dorking, aka PFD]

The video: if you haven’t watched it yet, don’t try just listening to it while you work on other stuff, because you’ll repeatedly need to see what his face looked like when he said that. TC sounds … he sounds a little like the helpful half of a split personality: ardent, really heartfelt, yet also weirdly distant, and almost entirely vague. One of the most anecdotal moments comes when he poses a hypothetical about driving past a car accident and being hypothetically better able to help than anyone else. Below are a few quotes.

“..the orgs are there to help, okay, but we as the public, we have a responsibility–it’s not just the orgs. it’s you. it’s everyone…re-reading KSW and seeing what needs to be done.
..i won’t hesitate to put in ethics on someone else.
..because i’m here to help.
..they said, so, have you met an SP [Suppressive Person]?
..it’s not how to run from an SP, it’s PTSP [Potential Trouble Source Person] how to run and shatter suppression.
..either you’re on board, or you’re not on board. [I think he stole this line from Patrick Swayze in Road House]
..if you’re a Scientologist, you see–you see things. [this one's more from Keanu's playbook than Swayze's]
..so, for me, it really is KSW.
..it’s our responsibility to create the new reality.
..it’s rough and tumble; it’s wild and woolly; and it’s a blast. it’s a blast–really, really fun. a lot of work. we need more help.”

In the age of rapid text messaging, with its B4s and its LOLs and its whatnots, the formal power of the acronym is easily overlooked. But it is powerful–consider: part of the awesomeness of acronyms is their contradictory dual effect: any decent acronym sounds highly specific, and sanctified, as though it were created and agreed upon by a board of governors somewhere. Yet, if you have an acronym spat at you, and you don’t know it, you quite naturally wonder if the speaker knows you don’t know, and if perhaps he likes this, likes sounding needlessly snooty and obtuse.

In the professional business world, careers are built upon needlessly snooty and obtuse. It’s a fine verbal balance to strike, and acronyms can help keep you there; impressing people with these letters that sound like a combination of sophistication and morse code.

Earth-shattering Education Encounter recommends sitting down with a friend and brainstorming acronyms that you’d like to make part of your lexicon — things for you to say when in an interview, or with a client, or in front of the board. You can abbreviate phrases you already use and see what sounds nice; alternatively, you can start with an acronym and then assign meaning to it, a la Calvin & Hobbes and their club GROSS [Get Rid Of Slimy girlS].

In parting, here is musician Jonathan Coulton’s rather sympathetic take on the Tom Cruise Situation [potential acronym: TCSit]: