by Panopticon

Seeking fun workers with a loathing for cryptic printer commands and stuffed suits. Must be street smart (or sky-smart, or water-smart) and think outside the cube to effect change across ecosystems, bottom lines and minds. Tolerance for inclement weather and sporadic unemployment is obligatory – but a healthy work-life balance is mandatory. For a job application, inquire anywhere but within.

Do you fit the profile above? It’s time to clean your resume so you can get your hands dirty (in some cases, really, really dirty). But what if your love for fresh air still doesn’t qualify you as a Daniel Boone or Bear Gryllis? There’s still an outdoor job for you even if your conventional, supposedly “inside-oriented” career path is accounting, art, or psychology.

Now, if you’ve read this far, you’re ready to swap your Swingline stapler for a belay device, hiking boots or chainsaws. We’ve come up with tips for a new action plan. The keyword is action, because fitness is one great benefit of working in the Great Outdoors (or the Great Pavement).

If you made it even this far, it’s because the thought of working a job and living a life like that of Milton Waddams (Office Space) terrifies you. (Or it’s because you’re already trapped in that life and you’ve got, like, a low-level masochism thing happening.)

“I was told that I could listen to the radioat a reasonable volume from nine to eleven — I told Bill that if Sandra is going to listen to her headphones while she’s filing, then I should be able to listen to the radio while I’m collating so I don’t see why I should have to turn down the radio because I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume.”

1. DOG WALKER: A dog is a man’s best friend, and a dog can be one’s best income source. You can earn from $18 to $50 per outing, with small start-up costs (a business license, advertising and insurance). Got a knack for walking multiple dogs at once? Depending on your neighborhood, you can exceed a mid-level manager’s salary.

2. U.S. POSTAL CARRIER: This is the job for you if you can’t sit still, and have a tolerance for bad weather and overzealous dogs. As of mid-2006, mail carriers’ median annual earnings were $44,350. Despite the rise of e-mail, business is still busy for the U.S. Postal Service, which today sends out more legitimate bulk mail and business mail than it ever has before.

3. CONSTRUCTION MANAGEMENT: After Peter Gibbons of Office Space burned out, then watched Initron burn with his stacks of money inside, he soon found contentment in his new construction job. “This isn’t so bad, huh? Makin’ bucks, gettin’ exercise, workin’ outside”. More importantly, he turned ideas of engineers, architects and project managers into reality. Today, people are moving into cities, which means jobs for roofers, installers, masons, appraisers, assessors, sheet metal workers and more.

4. LANDSCAPING: People and businesses buy houses and buildings. That means, indirectly, they also buy the adjacent greenery. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics predicts 18-26 percent growth through 2016, due to more residential and commercial construction projects. In May 2004, median annual earnings for landscape architects was $53,120.

5. ROADSIDE AUTO MECHANIC: The garage isn’t the only place you’ll find a grease monkey. On-site mechanics and technicians make “road calls” where engines sputter. The job pays as much as $50,000 in your first year, and has become less grease, more geek (electronic and computer programming). Despite rising gas prices, jobs will increase 14 percent through the year 2016 as more multi-car families buy fewer new cars.

6. CAMP COUNSELOR: Ah, the halcyon days of boating, campfires and hiking … and adolescent and tweenage trauma. Not all campers are happy campers. That’s what camp counselors are for – ensuring that campers have an experience more like Meatballs than Friday the 13th. Demand for this fast–growing counseling career doesn’t have to keep you cooped up by the velvet couch.

“Important announcement - Some hunters have been seen in the woods near Piney Ridge trail and the fish and game commission has raised the legal kill limit on campers to three. So, if you’re hiking today, please wear something bright and keep low.” (Bill Murray, Meatballs)

7. RECREATION: What do golf course superintendents, country club tennis instructors or sports franchise owners have in common? The more fun and victories their clients enjoy, the better their bottom line is. In addition to genuine enthusiasm for a given activity, management and people skills are a must.

8. ARBORIST: If you retain a child-like fascination for climbing trees, you may be a candidate for arboriculture. If you add problem solving skills to become a tree doctor, you’ll command more respect, and more bucks per hour: Why are the spruce trees dying out? What insects are infecting the stumps? How can I cut this tree without damaging property?

The wide-open world awaits.