for a deliciously crafted explanation of the what’s worse, deadliest jobs edition rules, see part 1

 

 

Even with all the underground fame and notoriety, sometimes what Boba Fett wanted most was a place to stand still and rest his kneeless legs.

 

Part of the trick in deciding a given instance of what’s worse between two jobs is not getting caught up in considering the opposite—what’s better. Like, just about everybody knows, in theory, that a bounty hunter has a very limited amount of glamour available to him. Even for those of us foolish enough to keep secretly believing our Jedi powers will one day manifest—all those who believes in psychokinesis, raise my hand—even we understand that Boba Fett is the exception to the rule. Functionally, though, that doesn’t much matter; the exception is what we end up romanticizing. And so, when asked, the ideal is what we immediately think about: Boba Fett, with his rough-and-tumble reputation, his helmet, his spaceship.

Even with that caveat, though, let’s face it: we all could see how lonely Fett was. The common wisdom has it that you can’t see the face behind the mask, but Star Wars masks betrayed exactly the right amount of passion and feeling. Who’s going to say you couldn’t tell if Darth Vader was happy on the inside? That he didn’t have daddy issues and would till he died? C’mon. It was all right there, on his mask, in his breath.

 

 

 

(If you don’t happen to live in a pretend world where the teenaged Vader from the prequels doesn’t exist and never happened, you should try it! All you do is vehemently deny the hoax of pee-wee Vader, and then big Vader gets to keep his freaking awesomeness. As it turns out, denial’s not that hard—once you do it a few times, the gist is simple. If, for example, someone asked if the prequel-era Vader reminds you of a dude who got kicked off The Hills for being too fake, a good way to reply is Shut up! Shut up, I CAN’T HEAR WHAT YOU’RE SAYING TO ME shut up shut up.)

 

 

 

 

As with Darth Vader, so with Boba Fett—there’s no way to look at Fett’s mask/face and conclude he has a surplus of friends; this is not a dude who likes pets. Or children. Or talking.

In summary, then here are the main points to keep in mind with regard to the bounty hunter:

1) Being a modern-day bounty hunter means chasing down people who have skipped out on bail or warrants

 

2) If the A&E reality TV show Dog the Bounty Hunter is an indication, the coolest part of this work is getting give yourself a normal-at-first but vaguely creepy nickname.

 

 

         3) It does not mean you’ll get to be a renegade, a gun for hire in a cosmic battle of good vs. evil; even if it did, you’d be

         4) a renegade killer who, despite or maybe because of his cool helmet, is entirely friendless, and who, come to think of it, must be

                a. a super boring eater, who

                b. never gets to check his teeth in the mirror,

                c. or kiss a girl.

 

 

Tomorrow, we’ll pass along critical, detailed information about stunt actors, enabling you to decide the important question of What’s Worse.