The inspiration for today’s What’s Worse? entry comes from a marvelous website called Gone & Forgotten. The site details, in turn, a collection of obscure/failed/bad comic book series, and is edited by the unbelievably knowledgeable and sarcastic Calamity John.

A forthcoming What’s Worse? will examine the question of superpowers; but today, we’ll take our cue directly from Gone & Forgotten and look at the professional, physical, and emotional hazards of being a specific superhero. To the task, then:

Would you rather make your living as

that’s right, Chlorophyll Kid. Nothing need be said here that the leaf-chested Cholorophyll Kid doesn’t explain in the image above, wherein he talks about himself in a way nobody does. “I see your Seed Pouch is as big as mine! Now let’s see how well you … handle it.” I mean, seriously.

on the flipside is

Captain Marvel. This is not the Captain Marvel we all know (Shazaam!) but, instead, a robot whose limbs detach. As described by Calamity John, he’s “an amnesiac robot with loose limbs.” That’s right, he’s a robot with memory problems; and, as if that’s not fancy-footed enough lure us eagerly into the story, he also possesses the terrifyingly awesome ability to spontaneously deploy his body parts and assault people, and/or surprise them, and/or totally weird them out. No joke:

No! Captain Marvel, no! Not the body part attack-thing! Ugh! Oof. If you send your head over here to bite me again, I’m calling my lawyer.

Bear in mind, one rule of this superhero edition of What’s Worse? is that, once you’ve assumed the role, you’ll possess all the traits of your choice. Looking the two options at hand, then, you’re really faced with a series of difficult mini-choices:

1. Outfit. A green and blue, tighter-than-tight jumpsuit with a Batman-type belt that’s filled entirely with seeds; OR a tighter-than-tight, monochrome, pinkish jumpsuit (a color once described by Martin Lawrence as Sneaky Salmon) with a small, boring M on the chest.

2. Name. The word Kid in your name, right there, forever, because whoever invented you couldn’t resist the chance for bumbling alliteration; OR a name that a superhero everyone has loved since the ’40s already has (also, his outfit is considerably more handsome and handy than yours).

3. Social life. Everyone remembers you, because you’re the robot who doesn’t remember things, but friendship doesn’t come easy–after a misguided stint with the S&M crowd, you settle for weekends with the college frat boys, who love your ability to send your arms out for beer. OR In your hometown, some people call you Chlorofillmeup, others the Chloro Kiddo, and you hate both. You move to Seattle or Portland, where folks like the leaf on your chest. You join a recycling club that meets for drinks and lively discussions about mulching. You feel like kind of a faker, but you make an awesome mojito, and you ride that for a while.

Captain Marvel or Chlorophyll Kid? What’s Worse.